Ladies and gentlemen: are you tired of hearing me talk about the beach? I am very sorry. I am going to say a few more words about it. And I am going to show you a lot of pictures. And also I am going to tell you about our insanely amazing beach house, which you should try to rent for yourself. If you can't get it, it's because I have rented it again.

First, let's start with the Instagram photos I took while we were there.

Well, wait, first, I guess I should tell you about the group we went with. It was me/Vince; Al, Chris, and Marlo; Pamie/Jason; and Maggie/Hank. Madeleine not included, sadly.

OK. Instagram. Here we go.

Pictured: Vince and Hank on our specially-ordered canvas rafts, which were awesome. Hank had never been on a Gulf Coast beach vacay before, and was a little afraid of the ocean. He acclimated in record time. Also pictured is Maggie, on another raft waaaaaaay back there. See the red-headed dot? You got it.

Here is what I did every day: put my toes in the sand and read books.

Here is another thing I did every day: wear scarves and bikinis and get a tan.

Here is a thing Allison did every day: drink wine, wear caftans, and pretend to be smoking.

Our house was on the bay side of Perdido Key. In my whole life I had never stayed on the bay side of things, and now I will never stay elsewhere. Our house, which was a) bright green, and b) octagonal, featured a full bar downstairs, hammocks, Adirondack chairs, crab traps, a kayak, a pier for fishing/jumping off, an outdoor shower, picnic tables, a swing, and some other things I am not remembering but were awesome. There was also a crazy little boat house (pictured above) that we thought at first was a sex room, but actually held more cots and fishing paraphernalia.

The door to the shower. $1.00.

One of the wooden posts in the bar featured license plates from previous visitors. There were several Alabama plates with Auburn tags that distressed Allison greatly, as she is a life-long Alabama fan.

The end of the pier had steps down to our own private little beach. In the late afternoons, we watched jellyfish float by and helped Hank catch hermit crabs. Does that sound idyllic? It was.

Have you ever wanted to see Chaos in bathing suits? WISH GRANTED.

Jason looks on as Maggie and Hank get real excited about hermit crabs.

Marlo was ready for the beach at ALL TIMES. Let's not talk about the fact that she was totally not into the beach at all. A girl has to be presentable, doesn't she? Yes.

Having little Hank there reminded me of all the years when Mad was there with us, all excited about nets and sand crabs and whatnot.

After the kids went to bed each night, the adults gathered at the bar for drinking/fighting/singing/games.

This past week has convinced me that Perdido/Orange Beach is better than any other place in Florida. Actually, it's better than any other place in the world. You want to come next year? Let's GO.

(Pictures by AB Chao, Pamie, and Maggie)